There’s a moment in pregnancy almost no one prepares you for — the moment where the healthcare system decides something for you. Maybe you had your heart set on midwifery care. Maybe you envisioned a gentle, holistic provider… only to find yourself on a waitlist, or hearing the words: “I’m sorry, we’re full.” And suddenly your birth — the one you pictured so clearly — feels like it shifted into someone else’s hands.

If this is you, I want you to know something: What you're feeling is grief. And the emotions and chaos it brings to your mind and heart are real and should not be ignored.

So many moms have told me, “I just feel sad… I really wanted a midwife but didn't get one.” I've even felt this and said this. And every time I think: This is the part of the story no one talks about — the heartbreak of wanting a certain kind of care for your birth that perfectly aligns with you and not being able to access it. There’s the birth you imagined… and the birth you suddenly feel stuck with. The quiet room, the slow un-pressured progress, the familiar relationship you built — versus the hospital rhythms, the rotating OBs, the clinical pace.

You can hold both realities: your desire for a natural, intuitive birth and your disappointment that the system couldn’t meet you there.

There is nothing wrong with wanting more than just a “healthy baby.” No one wants to leave the hairdresser with perfect hair but a head that's throbbing with pain from how rough the hair stylist was! Experience matters and is a major part of what makes us like or dislike something in the end. No one wants to say, "It turned out good in the end, BUT..."

For most moms in this situation, the fear isn’t actually about the OB. It’s a fear of:

• being rushed

• being pressured

• not being listened to

• losing autonomy

• being pulled into the cascade of interventions

• feeling judged for wanting a physiological birth

• and not getting the calm, peaceful birth you've seen and heard of and dreamt of having

These fears are valid. Hospital birth can be safe, sacred, slow, and deeply supported — but it doesn’t just automatically happen. It usually requires intention, clarity, and preparation. (If you’re already feeling that knot-in-your-stomach anxiety, I created a free class that walks you through how to have a hospital birth that is actually peaceful — even if you didn’t get the midwife you wanted.)

Your Natural Birth Is Still Completely Possible!

Your body is still your body. It didn’t lose its ability to birth because the setting changed. Physiological birth unfolds the same way whether you’re: in your living room, in a birth center, or in a hospital room with an IV pole in the corner. An OB’s presence doesn’t cancel your instincts. Hospital tools are just that — tools. Options. Not requirements. The atmosphere of the room shifts when a birthing mother shows she knows what she needs, what helps her, and what she prefers. There is an unspoken calm that comes when a labouring mama walks in prepared.

Here are the four things that matter most when you want to birth naturally in a hospital:

1. Your Sense of Safety. When you feel safe, oxytocin flows. When you feel watched, rushed, pressured, or anxious, adrenaline rises — and labour slows. Creating internal calm matters as much as the external setting. You may never feel safe with a doctor or nurses that you barely know, but you know you! You are the safety. Trust in yourself mama!

2. Your Environment. You have more control than you think. You can: dim the lights, lower your voice, keep the door closed. Utilize the space by using the floor, the shower, the bathroom, and the birth ball. Create your own bubble, even in a hospital. The room can be rearranged a bit to feel like it's yours instead of 'theirs.'

3. Your Communication. This is where unmedicated hospital birth is often won or lost. Not through confrontation — but through clarity, kindness, and grounded communication. How you speak affects how the room responds. (It’s not about being “nice”; it’s about creating cooperation instead of escalation.) Too many times I've seen a mom and dad speak in ways that cause tension in the room when unnecessary and that friction in the room causes an unsettled and even hostile environment. Then they wonder why labour has stalled or why they feel so irritated and exhausted quickly. It can be easy to blame the hospital for everything, but it's not the only thing at play.

4. Your Partner’s Role. Even if you imagined birthing at home with a midwife as your gentle coach while your husband joined in to help in a space that he knows well, your partner can still be that for you! In the hospital, they become the guardian of the birth space. This is an amazing role for them! So many partners accomplish the task of getting you to the hospital only to suddenly feel lost, not knowing what they should be doing next. Make it clear that this is their priority and they will instantly feel more connected to you and the birth of your baby. They can protect your bubble, hold your preferences, regulate the tone, and create the calm you need.

These four elements shape the experience far more than which OB is on call.

I've got AMAZING news: there are simple things you can start doing right away that radically change your hospital birth experience.

• Build a birth plan that is simple, strong, and rooted in what helps you feel safe

• Identify your true non-negotiables

• Learn what common interventions are, how to navigate them and know when they're right or wrong for you — without fear, just information

• Prepare intentionally for the first hour postpartum

• Practice coping techniques

None of these are complicated — but they do require guidance. And that’s exactly why I created my free masterclass, How to Have a Peaceful Hospital Birth.

Your Birth Story Is Still Yours

Even if your care provider changed. Even if the path looks different than you hoped. Even if you had to grieve the plan you wanted. You are still allowed to want beauty, slowness, intuition, and connection in your birth. Your story is still unfolding, it hasn't been decided for you. And you have more influence over it than you realize.

If you’re ready to feel equipped — truly equipped — for a peaceful, empowered hospital birth, I’d love for you to join me inside the free masterclass. A hospital birth with an OB wasn’t the plan… but you still get to shape the story.

With kindness, clarity, support, and preparation, you can walk into your hospital birth feeling empowered—no matter who stands at the foot of your bed. Get the birth you want: How to Have a Positive Hospital Birth.