It’s incredibly common for expectant moms to fear ending up with an OB they don’t connect with—especially in systems where you don’t always know who will be on call for the birth.

The good news?
There are practical steps you can take to feel supported, confident, and empowered—no matter which provider you get on delivery day.

1. Switching OBs Is Possible—But Getting It Right Early Is Much Easier

Many people don’t know this, but you can switch OBs if you’re unhappy with the match.
However, depending on where you live, it can be tricky because:

• Certain clinics may not be accepting new patients who 'already have an OB.'

• Some OB groups fill quickly

• Timing matters (earlier is easier)

• Sometimes you need your family doctor to submit a new referral

So the best approach is to start early.

You can:

• Start by reaching out to local doulas (most of us are more than happy to share insight on which OBs tend to be supportive of the kind of birth you're wanting)

• Learn which providers align with your philosophy (talk with friends, go and meet the OB)

• Ask your family doctor to refer you to a specific clinic or even a specific OB

Your referral is one of the most important choices you can make in early pregnancy.

2. Bring Someone With You to Support Your Decisions

In the case that you end up with an obstetrician who isn't hearing you, is against the choices you're making, or is just difficult to work with. Having another person in the room—whether it’s your partner, a friend, or a trusted support person (maybe even your doula) —can make a world of difference.

They can:

• Ask questions you forget

• Keep the conversation calm while still advocating for you

• Help you process options and recap the information after the appointment is over

• Being present to give you extra confidence in the moment

Birth is emotional. Having someone steady beside you helps you stay grounded.

3. Hire a Doula (They Know the System Better Than Anyone)

A doula is one of the most powerful forms of support you can bring into your birth experience.

Doulas can:

• Help you prepare beforehand

• Translate medical language in real time

• Remind you of your preferences

• Calm and protect the emotional tone in the room

• Suggest comfort measures

• Help you ask the right questions

• Navigate local hospital culture

And here’s the best part:
Most doulas know the OB landscape well. They’ve seen how different clinics practice, who is hands-on or hands-off, who is induction-forward, who supports various birth preferences, and how different care teams communicate.

(Want guidance from a doula? Join my free masterclass, How to Have a Positive Hospital Birth.)

4. The Way You Speak Truly Matters (Kindness Goes a Long Way)

This isn't about being “nice” and letting them walk all over you.
This is about using communication that builds trust instead of tension.

Fear can sometimes make people sound defensive, short, or combative without meaning to—and I’ve seen firsthand how that shifts the environment in the room.

Here’s the truth:
You can absolutely advocate for yourself without becoming rude or harsh. In fact, clear, calm, and kind communication often leads to far better outcomes.

Try phrases like:

• “Can you help me understand my options?”

• “Thanks for the information, we'd like to wait a few minutes to talk this through.”

• “We'd like to avoid that option. What are the alternatives?”

• “Thank you for explaining that—my partner and I want to take time to discuss this privately and we'll let you know what we decide.”

• "I've stated already that I don't want _____, please don't ask again. I'll let you know if I change my mind."

Gentle firmness > fear-based defensiveness.

You deserve to be heard, but you also deserve a peaceful, respectful atmosphere. Join my free webinar to go in depth on how to build positive relationships quickly with your nurses and doctors so they are for you and not against you.

5. Preparation Is Key

You don’t need to know everything—but understanding the basics can make a huge difference.

Preparation helps you:

• Feel more confident

• Reduce overwhelm

• Make clearer decisions

• Communicate with calmness

• Understand what’s normal during labour

• Know what questions to ask

Even an hour of intentional preparation can transform your birth experience.

6. Build a Birth Plan

A birth plan is not a list of demands—it’s a way of sharing what your birth goals are while inviting them into your experience.

A good birth plan includes:

• Your values

• What matters most to you

• How you like to make decisions

• Comfort measures you’d like to use

• Preferences around monitoring, mobility, medications, etc.

• Your boundaries

You don’t need a “perfect” plan.
You just need one that communicates your heart clearly.

Birth plans help your team understand you before things get busy - we'll go over how to do this in the best way possible during the free masterclass.

7. A Few More Things to Make Your Hospital Birth Feel More Positive

There are simple, often-overlooked things that can shift your experience dramatically:

• Before you're admitted, ask for a nurse who aligns with your birth style (yes, you’re allowed to do this)

• Stay home as long as safely possible if you want a low-intervention birth

• Remember that there is always time to make decisions, no need to rush or feel pressured

• Keep your support people close to you

• Stay flexible to meet the needs of your baby but remain grounded in your values

Small choices can create a big sense of control and peace.

You Are Not Powerless—Even in a System With On-Call OBs

You may not be able to choose who is on shift when you deliver, but you can choose:

• Your preparation

• Your support team

• Your communication

• Your referral path

• Your boundaries

• Your mindset

• Your birth plan

• Your tone

• Your knowledge

Birth is still yours.

With kindness, clarity, support, and preparation, you can walk into your hospital birth feeling empowered—no matter who stands at the foot of your bed.

❤️ If you want deeper support, a clearer roadmap, and tools that actually work, I’d love to have you in my free masterclass, How to Have a Positive Hospital Birth.