Overcoming the Fears of Birth
Before the birth of my first daughter, I had some fears and concerns that really bothered me leading up to delivery. I had gained 45 lbs during pregnancy and it terrified me that people would see my big body lying on the bed exposed, naked, and straining to push a baby out of my vagina. They’d all be staring at it 👀 and what if I pooped while pushing? I was terrified of that happening!! I also had this thing where I needed to be great at delivering babies, I didn’t even know what that meant or looked like… but I needed to be it. My other major fear was of catheters, the procedure terrified me and I didn’t want it to hurt! I kept my fears to myself and just tried to deal with them on my own, but I did a horrible job of that.
Why do we do that to ourselves? We are ashamed of the fears and feelings we have and attempt to hide them, we don’t get the help we need and try to “tough it out.” I definitely did not feel tough - I was terrified! I learned a lot about support during my first birth and I know I would have greatly benefited from asking my doula for help and sharing my fears with people I trusted.
Here’s what happened when I had to face my fears:
During labour, I had so many baths to help me through my contractions. My husband was there with me of course, but so was my doula. Looking back, I don’t remember being concerned that she saw me naked, I was more relieved to have her there helping me breathe through contractions. Later, when we went to the hospital for delivery, I felt nervous about being seen by the nurses and doctors, but it didn’t stick around long. My contractions were so intense, I knew my baby’s head was there and I was ready to push. I still had my clothes on and the nurse didn’t really believe that I was that close to delivery so she wanted me to keep them on, but instinct took over and I started stripping right then and there 🤯! The fear of being seen vanished completely and never returned (I delivered about 30 minutes later).
Remember how I was terrified of pooping in front of everyone? Well, 💩I pooped while pushing and didn’t even know it. The doctor had it all set up with a big bag to catch the bodily fluids that run free during delivery. The only reason I knew I pooped was that my sister told me later, but the doctors, nurses, and my doula weren’t phased at all. It turns out they are actually kinda glad to see it… eww what 🤢? I know, I know, but pooping while pushing is a sign that you are pushing correctly.
After I had delivered and my wounds were stitched up, the doctor was leaving when he turned around to say, “Briona, you did an incredible job of delivering, you were made for having babies.” 😱🤯 I couldn’t believe it! That need to be good at delivery somehow was fulfilled and I felt so proud of that.
I was able to dodge the catheter situation on this one. By the time we got to the hospital and I had stripped to deliver, my water broke with the next contraction.They wheeled me to the delivery room and said they were going to put in a catheter but I just started pushing so I managed to avoid it 😝. I did, however, need a catheter several times during my second birth. I was still afraid but I had learned to be more open about it, so I did this magical thing where I told my doctor how nervous I was about getting a catheter. She helped me relax through it and was very gentle, I hardly felt any pain, just pressure. PHEW! I was so relieved.
My biggest fears leading up to delivery turned out to be non-issues, they were easy to overcome (especially the ones I opened up about).
Delivering a baby might just be the most vulnerable thing you ever do! It’s no small thing to deliver a baby, so why do we suppress all those emotions, thoughts, and fears? What does it do for us to pretend it’s not there? It only causes our fear and anxiety to grow. 🌳 Maybe you have a fear of pain, fear of episiotomy, fear of tearing, fear of a cesarean, or perhaps you share some of the fears I had. Whatever it may be, I encourage you to take it seriously, they are real concerns that no one should try to process it alone.
Here are some tips to help you overcome those fears and have a courageous birth: Step one – grab a paper and pen and begin to write down 📝your fears/concerns. The big ones and the little ones. Step two - write down at least one thing you could do to help you feel more in control. If you don’t know how to solve the issue, begin step three: speak with your doula (sometimes just handing her the list of your fears and letting her guide you through them can be the easiest way to bring them up). Doulas are incredible listeners 👂🏻and they are open to discussing many topics – even uncomfortable ones. They can begin supporting you before labour even begins. Doulas love to hear from you about all the positive or negative things going on so that they can support you through it. Remember: they can’t help you if they don’t know what’s happening. You can also speak with your doctor, midwife, or counsellor, counsellors are especially great to chat with. They help your thoughts progress and they have professional advice on how to walk through these things.
Just remember that doctors, midwives, nurses, and doulas have seen it all! So don’t sweat about what we might see. As a Doula, I try to let my clients know that I am a judge-free zone, you are safe with me! All I want is to make sure you have the support and care that you deserve.
If you’d like to chat with me, reach out! We can work through whatever your concerns are or I can recommend professionals that will help support you too!
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